to the right

you still haven’t answered the question i put on your post

All those times you said you couldn’t leave because of her… I see it now. You only loved her, not me.

I love you more than I can possibly explain. I hope you realize that someday. I know it will be a while before you don’t hate me, if ever. I told you before that your drinking scares me, but you still can’t admit that it’s a problem. I love you enough that if it was just me, I’d risk being afraid. But it’s not just me. I have to think about her too, and if it’s scary to me it may be terrifying for her. I can’t take that risk. It’s my job to protect her, even at the expense of my (or anyone else’s) happiness. I know that somewhere deep inside, you understand this. I can’t let her grow up thinking that love is supposed to be this painful, and I can’t continue to watch you destroy yourself and me with you. I wish more than anything that you hadn’t chosen the bottle over me. I miss the man that I fell in love with and more than anything, I want him back. I’m scared that I’ll never see him again. I hope one day that you can find what you’re looking for to ease your pain. Please remember that even though I can’t have you in our lives, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. I want you to be happy, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the one that makes you that way. I love you and will miss you terribly. Please find the man you used to be and tell him that.